Night Dairies

This is an old entry from September I forgot to post. Edited to add- I’ll have more then one post for this section.

welcome to my “dairy” the nightly recap of my day. It’s the echo of the normal mundane life mixed with my spiritual side. My brain dump that I don’t want for social media. But, honestly just for all of you and anyone who reads this.

This weekend was filled with my kids and family and I loved it. My I struggle to find him close at almost 11 he is getting too big for baby sizes and too small still for the young adult / young mens.

I watched him try on each piece with care and thought: “This is going by too quickly.” I’m not ready for you to be a young man. I remember finding out I was pregnant with him and being terrified. But now it’s a decade later and he’s almost as tall as me. When did that happen? So, now I’m trying to be less on social media and more having my eyes open to the world I created. Before I know it, he’ll be different again with friends, and cars, and dating. I don’t want to loose these last years of establishing a strong connection with him. I often wonder if my own mother felt the same way with me watching me grow older and understanding she was also. She died when I was twelve. So, all these mothering moments I’m experiencing with my own kids- I’m also experiencing them for the first time period and when I stop to slow down to think about it. I have this ache about me that nothing really has soothed.

If you’ve been in a similar situation I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Movie Review:

Me and my family watched Backrooms last night and I’d say it was an okay thriller. But, what really got me was the main character’s struggle to basically accepting he didn’t really want to change and coming to terms that- it’s okay. It made me think of numbers in my family that I often wished would change would be a different person. But they never really did. And I always struggled to come to terms with that. But if there’s one thing this movie taught me is that somebody else’s internal struggle does not have to be defined by me. Even if they ask me for help or what the problem is. Anyway, have you seen this movie or watched something good lately?