Trauma and the deepest love I’ve ever know.

What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever found? (And kept?)

Hey if you’re new here I’m Lexi Psychic medium and tarot reader. I’m trying to treat this blog as a way to answer spiritual questions. I want to help people and let this be a community of sorts for my readers. I also write dark romance and fiction stories. If you don’t like a blog post feel free to skip it. So, yes you will see those here too. Please always comment and I’ll comment back. Let’s build something. I’m so very tired of TicTok, Substack, and everyone else. They own the communities I build, but I never really own anything in return. This is my cozy Internet space. Welcome in if you need to vent, grab a cup of anything you want and let’s hang out together.

I want these prompts to be a deeper dive. They will help me and you get to know each other better. I saw (semi famous tarot reader) Madam Adam on TicTok once say, “people always want the product and never want me.” That felt incredibly sad and lonely to listen to him say even on a live event.

Like he’d only ever be seen for what he could offer someone not him being himself. So, that’s what I’d like these “daily prompts” to be. You and me getting To know each other. Please feel free to ask what ever you want in the comments. I’ll always respond.

Anyway, back to the prompt. When my mom died I found her journals. If you are part of the club that’s buried parents at a young age, you can understand the experience. It’s like going through everything and just crumbling. I unfortunately did it at twelve. How? I don’t know. But, I packed up my single mom’s room all by myself.

It was and is the most awful and loving thing I’ve ever done.

When I found these journals I couldn’t help but read them. My thoughts were overwhelming. These were her last thoughts and her last inner voice the world would ever know.

I read them. When I thought about it, it felt like I was invading her privacy. But, like a Train wreck I couldn’t look away from her stories, her thoughts, her sadness, her loves.

For the first time ever I saw my mom as just a girl, living her life and trying her hardest to be a better person with very , very little support. I found a small glimpse of who she was as a young teen and young women before me.

It was beautiful and hilarious and sad. So, very sad. As I got older and had kids of my own, I appreciated my mom more. I was grateful for the mom I got instead of the unhealed woman those journals held.

In the spiritual world, there is a belief. We chose everything that will happen to us before we come down to earth. Every moment of happiness and every moment of sadness and all the boring stuff in-between.

I was struggling in my twenties as I started having babies and again my mom was missing another milestone. So I asked a psychic “why the hell would I chose this?” So frustrated with life, and kids and trying to keep a house under control and run my mediumship business. I needed a lifeline. I needed an anchor, I needed to be nurtured and loved when my cup was dangerously empty.

She looked at me and paused and said one of the few things that has really stuck with me over the years, “It’s the purest love you will ever know.” That’s why.

To this day I understand that there will never me anyone else in the world that will nurture me and love me like my mom. It hurts a little less that our time got cut short as I get older and have now lived longer at thirty six then she ever did.

Thanks for reading.

Wanna support the blog?

Schedule a One-on-One Tarot Session

Don’t want to schedule a reading and just come for the blogs and books-

Leave a tip in the tip jar!

Tip Jar